Why Are Styrofaom Pieces Called Peanuts?

Answering life’s most impossible questions through the power of storytelling.

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Long ago in the medieval era, there was a sorcerer (who just so happens to be the same sorcerer as the one from our last story) who needed to send his mother a gift for her birthday. He had used his magic to put together a very nice sculpture of a couple of horses (because his mother loved horses), but he had made the sculpture out of clay and was worried it would break on the way.

The sorcerer searched his whole house for a way to solve his predicament, but could find nothing soft and cushioned to place around the sculpture when he shipped it in its box. He didn’t want to use his clothes because he needed them to wear, he didn’t want to use blankets because he needed them for the coming winter, and he didn’t want to use his pillows and cushions because he quite liked them.

A little girl (who was the daughter of the town’s nut farmer) knocked on the door of the sorcerer’s house and entered when the door swung open (with the help of some of the sorcerer’s magic). She walked into the kitchen of the house, only to find the sorcerer sitting at the table and staring at a sculpture inside an otherwise empty box.

The girl, confused, asked the sorcerer what he was doing. The sorcerer sighed and explained his predicament, how he had nothing soft and cushioned to pack inside the box around the sculpture. The girl frowned and asked why he would not use his blankets and pillows to wrap the box, to which the sorcerer responded with the former explanation (along with a very meaningful death glare).

The girl thought for a moment, then snapped her fingers. She reminded the sorcerer that he was, in fact, a sorcerer, and therefore had magic (to which the sorcerer responded with a very obvious “duh”). The girl then pulled a handful of peanuts from one of her apron pockets (as she had come to the sorcerer’s home to deliver her father’s peanuts) and set them on the table.

The little girl pointed at the peanuts and told he sorcerer to turn them into something useful. The sorcerer looked at the girl like she was crazy, but complied all the same. He used his magic to puff the peanuts out and soften them into something useful. The result was a pile of puffy foam pieces.

The sorcerer was ecstatic. He immediately packed his sculpture and sent it to his mother on a dragon (the only way to send a package when you’re a sorcerer), all while thanking the little girl. The little girl just rolled her eyes and told him she wanted a pile of those foam pieces to sell. The sorcerer agreed and turned all the peanuts she was carrying into foam pieces.

The little girl started a major company based on selling what she called “foam packing peanuts.” The sorcerer came in every Tuesday (because was busy with “wizardy” stuff every other day) and turned piles of peanuts into the packing peanuts. The sorcerer and the little girl split the profits and became rich through their packing peanut company.

And the sorcerer’s mother loved her sculpture, though she was more than a little upset that her son didn’t take the time to visit.

A Figure of Speech

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Time to discuss that elephant in the room.

It’s obvious you’re in a pickle.

The jig is up;

You’re back to square one.

You’ve put yourself in the jaws of death

And are stuck in a rut.

But really, you just need a wake-up call.

The answer is right under your nose.

Everything is just a chip on your shoulder.

Elvis has left the building,

And you’re beating a dead horse.

Don’t cry over spilt milk;

Grab a cup of joe

And move on with your life.

The past is in the past.

 

Let me cut to the chase.

I know it’s between a rock and a hard place

And you’ll be a fish out of water,

But it’s time the rubber hit the road.

People with hearts of gold

Are worth a dime a dozen.

Go for broke

And go out on a limb.

It’s better to live life to the fullest

Than have to throw in the towel.

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,

For every dark cloud has a silver lining.

The lost always get found.


*(Note: Yeah… There was a time when I found myself bored. So I wrote this. And I decided it was awesome. Because it is. And it was super fun to write. Yeah… Love me.)

Picture source: Two Sheets to the Wind

My poetry belongs to me. All poems under the category “Poetry by Me” are mine. Use of my poetry without my permission is prohibited. If you wish to use any my poetry for any reason, ask me for permission first.

 

Why Don’t Pigs Fly?

Answering life’s most impossible questions through the power of storytelling.

Years ago, when magic was still a part of everyday life, dogs flew. They filled the skies with their long, feathery wings and howling (which could get annoying, but oh well). It was a wonderful site, and a basic commonality of everyday life. Not to mention, the dogs were kind souls, so everyone was happy that they were the ones to receive the gift of flight.

Or so everyone thought. One day, the pigs decided that they deserved the gift of flight far more than those mangey mutts (excuse me for the language). They wanted wings for themselves. So they went to the birds (who did not have wings yet, of course) and asked them for help. The birds refused to help the pigs because they knew the dogs were good animals. So the pigs stormed off and decided to trick the dogs on their own.

The pigs went to a sorcerer (who was very powerful, but a bit ignorant and new to the job) and told him that the dogs were having trouble with their wings. They said the wings weren’t working quite right, but they couldn’t figure out what was wrong while they were on the dogs’ bodies. The sorcerer was troubled by this, and agreed to cast a spell to remove the wings of all the dogs so that they could take a look at them.

When the dogs landed on the ground to settle in for the night, the sorcerer cast his spell, and all of the dogs’ wings fell off. The dogs howled and barked in surprise and fear as their wings (which were no longer their wings; the sorcerer didn’t realize, but the wings could not be reattached) were magically whisked away. They chased their wings to the sorcerer’s house and the lead dog (what type of dog was he? A labrador, of course. A labrador with a coat of gold, because he was basically the king) entered on the behalf of all the dogs in the world.

The dog asked what was going on and the sorcerer explained. The lead dog told the sorcerer that the dogs’ wings had been working fine. It dawned on them what had happened, and they turned to the lead pig (yes, there’s also a lead pig; he’s bright pink, which is where the stereotype of what color pigs are comes from), who was trying to attach the wings to his own body (which was possible because they needed a new owner and could not go back to the dogs, but it could not be done without magic, so the pig wasn’t getting anywhere).

The pig realized that his plan had failed and tried to defend himself, but the sorcerer would have none of it. He cast a spell on the pig (a very powerful spell that he was certain he knew everything about) that made it so that no pig would ever be able to fly (at least, not on their own). The pig screeched in anger and rampaged around the house, but the sorcerer cast him out and far away (to a farm, to be precise, which is why pigs are now known as farm animals).

With the pig gone, the lead dog was able to properly mourn for his lost wings. The sorcerer apologized, for there was nothing he could do to help him. As they sat in their mourning, a bird (there’s no lead bird, they only have a Council) hopped in, breathing heavily from the exhaustion of walking so far on its little feet. It told the sorcerer and lead dog about how the pigs tried to get the help of the birds (how the pigs thought the birds could help, the world may never know) and how the birds were sorry they hadn’t made it in time to warn them. If only they could move faster…

The sorcerer and dog looked at each other and grinned. The lead dog turned to the bird and offered to give all of birdkind (blackbirds, hummingbirds, geese, and all the rest) their lost wings. The bird was shocked and wouldn’t accept the gift at first, but (upon hearing that the dogs could not have their wings back and there was no one else they wanted to give them to) ended up accepting.

The sorcerer cast his spell, and the wings attached themselves to all of birdkind. The bird who had entered flapped its wings in wonder, but didn’t know how to use them. It asked the dog, but the dog didn’t know. They never had to learn how to fly. They just knew from birth. So the bird hopped to the window and jumped out (why it thought that would be a good idea, the world may never know). The lead dog and sorcerer yelled in fear, but were stunned to see the bird flying like it had had wings its whole life (this is why birds hop out of trees without question when learning to fly).

From that day forward, all birds had wings, dogs lived on the ground (and as household pets, a tradition that the lead dog started with the sorcerer), and pigs were cursed to never fly on their own. This is why people say “when pigs fly” when they think something will never happen.

Today’s Holiday: Awkward Moments Day

March 18, 2016.

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I thought this was an every day thing…

Today is a day to celebrate those awkward moments in your life! Forgeting someone’s name, walking into the wrong class/conference room, dressing up for an occasion and realizing you got the day wrong… Life is just full of awkward moments! But rather than be embarassed by them, today is a day to laugh about them!

I myself am always faced with awkward moments, but I long ago learned to laugh about them. How could I not? Seriously, they’re pretty funny.

Not to mention, if you can’t laugh at yourself every once in a while, you really need to lighten up. Life is funny. You’re allowed to smirk and/or chuckle every now and then.

imageTo celebrate today… Well, I’m not going to tell you to get yourself stuck in an awkward moment. Then it won’t actually be all that awkward! Instead, celebrate today by laughing if you accidentally get stuck in an awkward moment, and if you don’t, reminisce in past awkward moments!

Maybe you can make a game of it and get your friends to confess their awkward moments to you!

I’m probably going to get stuck in a number of awkward moments today, so that will be how I celebrate today. However you end up celebrating, have a great time doing it!

Have a wonderful day of celebration!

P.S. Google search “awkward moments day” and go to images. I just started up a coughing fit because I was laughing so hard (I’m sick right now, so laughing can be problematic)!


 

Picture sources: PracticallyPerfectandCompletelyDelusional

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